A Widow's Might

Walls or Boundaries – Your Choice

 As we go through this life, we encounter challenges that come through relationships with others, starting with family.  As young children, we may receive wounds and hurts from parents, siblings and relatives that can form and shape how we see ourselves. Those that have been victims of abuse of any type including constant negative input will learn to compartmentalize their lives and build walls around those areas of hurt. The reasoning is that walls will protect them from the ones creating the pain. This also can become a life response to anyone in their future that creates stress and hurt. As walls are built, people are kept out, many times even those who do not create a painful situation. Trust broken in one human relationship can be contagious and infect other relationships, even ones where trust has not been broken.  Control and protection of one’s self becomes the dominant driving force in the life of the one initially rejected by those who are supposed to love and care for them. The wall ends up surrounding the one who is hurt and closes out everyone else.

 Boundaries are healthy alternatives to wall building. When one who is harmed sets a boundary around the one creating the pain, freedom from fear of being hurt again can be established. Boundaries are strengthened when the one who was hurt forgives the one who created the pain. The boundary is then set in a healthy format, not from a heart of resentment and bitterness, but from a heart of love. This may not be felt in one’s emotions right away, but eventually forgiveness brings freedom.

 Of course, when trust is broken, it takes time to reestablish the relationship. The relationship needs to stay within the boundary lines until trust is reestablished.  When trust cannot be reestablished, the boundary remains. The constant in any of this is the forgiveness foundation, which frees ones soul from the contaminants of hate, anger and bitterness. A heart at peace is life to the body – healthy in spirit, soul and body.

Cling to bitterness, build walls - be isolated and in despair.

Forgive, set boundaries - be at peace and be free.

It is your choice.